There are quite a few reasons, but mostly because I don't see the point in being honored for something that is my job. A job that I asked for- actually prayed about for years. I could go on and on about it, but the bottom line is, I hope and pray to be a mom that Joel honors throughout the year because he wants to...not just on one day designated on a calendar. These are not new thoughts on Mothers Day. They have been my thoughts long before I became a mother.
And yet...no matter what I wrote above...it truly is a day I look forwad to.
Because it means that I am a mom. And, I love being a mom! It is the greatest job I've ever had.
And this year...it hurts.
Joel was so cute this morning. He said he put his tie on this morning so that he could look handsome for me today! And he did! He had a couple gifts for me in his backpack and I was told clearly not to go into one compartment in his backpack on Friday. As curious as I was...I didn't. The wait was so worth it! He made a book about me that was so sweet, it brought tears to my eyes. I was surprised to learn, as I'm sure you will be too, that I weigh 30 lbs and am 20 feet tall!
Joel is such a joy and I am so grateful for him.
At the same time, I miss sweet Meredith. I miss her warmth and all the wonder a mom experiences watching a little one grow and develop. What would she be doing now? What personality characteristics would be shining through? What would her laugh sound like?
Mother's Day at church is something I was not up for today. In the past few years, they've toned it down a bit, which I like. At the same time, I'm just not in a place today for all the smiles about how great Mother's Day is. It is truly a bittersweet day for me.
My birthday was yesterday, and it was a good day. Time with friends and with Merwyn. I asked Merwyn to buy a necklace created for mom's whose little ones had died.
Meredith is in heaven with Jesus. She is loved more than I could ever love her. She has no more tears, or pain or difficulty. It is good for her.
I just miss her.
