It is full of images, pictures, dates, dashed hopes and dreams.
I so wish that it would all disappear. I wish I didn't remember that Saturday was the 6 month anniversary. I wish that so many "this time last year" memories would just disappear.
The pregnancy was so wanted. The desire for a second child so great. The longing to have that missing piece to our family puzzle finally in place. I wish it didn't hurt to see babies and pregnant women.
The memories of my time with Meredith are so sweet, and yet at the same time, painful. Remembering is warm but also a reminder of what is now gone. Such a short time to feel settled. A short time to have all the questions finally disappear. Now returned.
No answers come. No insight achieved.
What I have left is simply hope. Hope to sustain and grow me. Change me. Renew me. Looking to run. Wanting to soar. Willing to walk.
"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
My heart continues to hurt for you, Wendy, and for all that might have been for Meredith and for your family. I can only pray that you continue to hold on to His Hope and find strength one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteHugging you from afar!
Praying for you during your journey of firsts! Hugs and love to you.
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